I'm sorry it's been so long lovelies. Life gets crazy.
To sum up the last few months:
I'm in love with my best friend. He is in love with someone else.
Purging peaked at twice a day.
Now, twice a week seems to be the norm.
I've taken up smoking to try and cope with stress.
I attempted group therapy. Quit because i was too scared.
Went to see a psychiatrist. Only twice. Lied about how often i purge and was told "I don't think you have any serious eating disorder"Relief? Stress.
Blood.
Blood in the toilet.
Blood in my nose.
Blood in my mouth.
All time high weight. Shame.
Tears. Smiles. Tears.
4 months without sex. I am afraid of real intimacy. How could anyone love me? I am ashamed of my body.
Nobody can see it but me.
Nobody can touch it.
All my self-isolation has led to my C's turning into B's (Yay)
An anorexic beauty, my dear friend, attempted suicide.
Anger, regret, sorrow.
I wrote this blog.
Remember lovelies, do whatever makes you happy.