The lies we tell

Yesterday, I purged 3 times.
 I lied to my dear friend, who is getting help for her eating disorder. I don't know why I lied. I told her I am only purging twice a week.
She will most likely read this and feel great sorrow for me. I do not want her to be sad. The sick thing is, I'm Happy.
My mother says "When you first got home, you were so fat"
                         "You have lost a lot of inches"
                         "The weird thing is, you still eat"
                         "I'm jealous, if i ate what you ate i'd never lose weight"
                         "If you lose 40 pounds by September, I'll give you
                         1000$"
 My mother walks in on me purging, she feigns concern. How can she be so oblivious?
I am scaring myself at how good I am at purging.
Silence. Only the sound of vomit hitting water. Quick. No more than 10 minutes in the bathroom.
No more puffy face. Only watering eyes. Calloused knuckles and another burst blood vessel in my eye.
I lie to my best friend who I am in love with
He says "You've lost weight"
I say      "Not according to the scale"
He says "My roommates say you look like you've lost weight"
I say      "I haven't"
He says "I'm hungry, want to get lunch?"
I say     "Please don't make me eat"
He wants me to see a doctor. I tell him I am fine.
I tell him I do not have an eating disorder.
He still wants me to see a doctor.
I think "I will when I lose 50 pounds"
Yesterday's meals went something like this:
Breakfast - 1/2 Grapefruit (41)
                - 2 Camel Blue cigarettes
               - Water
Snack      - Thinsations Cookies (100) {purged}
Lunch      - 1/2 Cup of Pasta (250)
Snack      - Chips & Jalapeno Dip (Way Too Many) {Purged}
               - Diet Coke (1) {Purged}
               - 1 Camel Blue cigarette
Dinner     - Baked Chicken Burger (280)
Snack     - Twistos Cracker Bites (Whole Bag :s) {Purged}
               - Diet Coke (1) {Purged}
               - 2 Camel Blue Cigarettes
Water Intake - 96 oz.
Total Caloric Intake: 571
Gym Output - 506
Total = 65

This needs to be zero. 

Yesterday, after the ease and efficiency I showed while purging, I was so proud of myself I made the decision to attempt to purge everything.
Stay Strong Lovelies.