You

I fucking hate you. But I love you.
I wish I could stay away from you.
I deserve so much better and I am way to good for you.

Honesty?

I have returned from Christmas break and three separate people on three separate occasions have told me some variation of "Have you lost more weight?". Normally, I would politely smile, say no, but thank-you and brush it off. This tactic is no longer working. Two of the three people who have questioned me are two friends who are both actively trying to lose weight. One became extremely frustrated when I told her I haven't lost weight and said she "didn't want to hear my lies". The other did not recognize me at first. she starred blankly at me for a few minutes, then told me how I "look like a completely different person" then demanded to know my secrets. She asked me what my diet was and what kind of exorcise I do. I had no idea what to say. Unfortunately, "Don't eat. When you do eat, yakk." Is not a socially acceptable answer. Have I been at it for so long that I can't even think of a lie to tell because I'm honestly not sure what a healthy diet is? I also am becoming increasingly concerned with my reflection. It has reached a point where enough people have commented on my weight, that I know I must have lost some. The scale tells me so and my dwindling jean size tells me so too. The problem is when I look in the mirror, I genuinely don't think my body has changed. I look the exact same as I did 60 pounds and 4 sizes ago. Logically, I know this can't be true. But the mirror, that awful mirror who haunts us all tells me different...

Keep me in your thoughts lovelies, and I'll keep you in mine.

Speechless

I think I've just lost my best friend. I am not even sure If I was ever his best friend anymore. I have never wanted to be back in Halifax more, under my huge duvet where I can hide and be safe from the whole wide world and everyone in it. I am so hurt.  Am I part of some elaborate lie spanning years? Did you pretend to be my friend for so long just to get into my pants? I am so confused because I genuinely thought you liked me and enjoyed my company.